Aesthetics
by Impersonating-an-entity
Summary: Gaara thinks about what makes a person beautiful. Rated for Shonenai no descriptive scenes unfortunately


Warnings: Shonen-ai, extreme adorable Gaaraness.

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Gaara had always considered himself… 'ugly.' He understood little about aesthetics and even upon joining the Konoha-nin and beginning to learn about what was considered a normal life for a ninja, a lot of concepts that most people understood almost innately still escaped him.

Also, there were many concepts where he understood the 'what', but not the 'how' or 'why.' For instance, the idea of camaraderie. He understood the idea of having a partner around, but beyond that he didn't yet grasp the real idea of friendship and trust.

So his view of aesthetics was skewed – no one had ever taught him anything but techniques and death and pain. The idea of beauty was difficult for him to grasp. He came to view beauty as liveliness. Naruto was beautiful, Lee was beautiful, Temari, Sakura, Kiba and many of the other Konoha-nin were beautiful. Gaara was not lively. He was not beautiful. He was ugly.

He wanted to learn to be beautiful, but his hopes were not high – he'd never known what hope was exactly, and if someone asked him, he would not have known that faint feeling in him was hope – that tiny desire to be beautiful like the others. He stuck close to the others, trying to learn and understand what they did and why they did it, but it was so hard for him to change old habits, even if he thought the new ones would be better.

When Naruto had dragged out of him the knowledge that Gaara was in love with him (or thought so, anyway…), Gaara had not been surprised that Naruto had looked… almost pained. He was with Sakura, who was beautiful, and Gaara was not beautiful. He didn't blame Naruto, he just wanted him to forget and let him continue being his friend.

But he'd realized his image of beauty was still slightly skewed. Liveliness was a part of beauty, but not all. Lee had shown him that. Gaara had never thought of Lee as anything but a very close friend, and, to hear Lee tell it, Lee had not been aware of anything till that day either. But regardless of what had come before, one day while training in the forest Lee had kissed him and held him and promised him.

Lee had always been around him, looking out for him and keeping his big, warm arms wrapped firmly around Gaara and he'd made Gaara feel like maybe he was beautiful too. It was a swelling in his chest, a warmth in his body and a faint heat in his cheeks that made him think, maybe, just maybe, he was beautiful. He couldn't explain it. It didn't fit his concept of beauty, yet he felt it true. Besides, Lee had certainly told Gaara enough times that he was beautiful. Gaara knew most people did not consider Lee beautiful, but since Gaara had formed any concept of beauty, he'd considered Lee to be so.

Even Lee had laughed and said that he was only beautiful in name and he knew it. He didn't seem at all uncomfortable, just aware. Gaara thought it was stupid of him to say that and had told him so. Lee had laughed again and mussed Gaara's hair and kissed him till Gaara didn't care anymore.

Gaara liked the feeling Lee gave him – the feeling that despite how quiet and dull he was, despite his lack of the energy that defined Naruto and Lee and the others as beautiful, he was beautiful. He felt like a dirty piece of glass lost in the desert that Lee had somehow stumbled upon and had polished and worked into something clean and perfect and warm.

Gaara still didn't understand all these concepts that so many others all seemed to understand naturally, but he was beginning to understand, and he thought he loved Lee. That beautiful feeling he got when Lee was around was proof of that. And he knew very well that Lee loved him - that beautiful feeling was proof of that.


End file.
